A valiant man waits patiently for his fate. Ferocious friends hide in the form of a hand  shake. An appearance shows the outlook a mind  chooses to dress based on how it feels that day.  Some of us weren’t built to be tamed within the walls  of a society. Strange as it may seem, there is more to  life than materials or financial gain. To conquer death  is to behead the fears attached to its egregious chain. Freedom is sitting alone biting her fingers in solemn pain.

A heavy mind weighs in on his conscious. A far reaching feeling shudders over the ruins of his being. Darkness huddles around his thoughts blockading any positive emotions from entering. A lost and distorted man blinded by the hideous actions of his motives; Finally realizes the illnesses which renders him helpless. Few will ever know the inordinate totality of their exuberant readiness. Naive without common sense many will go on living unaware of the spirits ability to enlighten their flesh.©

Under protest, I sat at a UMass desk looking for a future that never came to  pass. It was said all shall be given if I  would ask but they only walked passed    my dreams and into their own. My inner strength surpasses many of theirs although I am the one leaving class. The value I give    myself isn’t as expensive as theirs which  makes me affordable for everyone, including    those without rose covered glasses.

Sometimes you wonder why your thought get the best of you. You wonder how to cut them off. You think to yourself thinking what should you do. Do you listen or keep trying to figure out do I find away around it or keep listening. Why am I thinking like this what should I do yelling please stop they quiet  for a  but all minute of it keep rushing back. Im stuck Im lost trying to think what to do yelling Noooooo becuase its telling me to do something I dont want to do how can I stop this. My thoughts are getting the best of me. Im praying asking god to cut it off but its still going on. Im quiet  but I hear tears because I cant do what its telling me to do Nooooo. Im talking but the person not responding talk to me I yelled still didnt get no respond. Im ball up trying to stop this my heart is beating really fast whats going on I yelled I look up and all I see is me laying and the bed because all along my dreams had the best of me….

Looking at that mirror, watching at the clock,  my hearts racing beating through my chest, biting my nails, sweating ridiculously, where can he be at quarter to three, what is he doing, what could be more important than me.    Every sound, every movement I hear my heart – pause by the beat am thinking can it be, can it be that you are coming back to me!! It’s killing me inside am hating each part of my reflection in this mirror and there it is, that moment I look back at all the good times we had.    How could this be, why me am talking back to myself in this mirror with the tears trickling down my checks over my lips here comes the knot in my guts it’s like all the butterflies have died then you walked through the door.    Silence! Was that moment when you approached me, you touched my checks with your cold hands wiped away the tears staring me in the eyes am so numb right now,  could it be, he’s here for me am lost of words I am hoping you can see.   Then you said  Fear not my love for me I love you like a queen.  A queen you are to me never look in that mirror and ever question my loyalty. 

Since firearms manifold more bang for their buck, any rational per son or daughter, one wood love to chuck fired and squawks like Donald Duckup in arms at alarming spike vis a vis trigger, where luckless lie dead, when bullet released after squeezed piercing ether with pluckby angry mother fucker engendering outrageous spike in wanton killings – amuckthe nemesis of Gluckvia leaded slugs, whar led doth finned huck. first time gun owners pack heat, and indiscriminately brandish innocent victims, and concomitantly excitement like books to this dishshabille purportedly in accordance with first amendment, relishyet proliferation allowing free ranging banshee dervishsans weapons of mass destruction (mainly innocent lives) crumple upon tishor flat on face, which inures citizens to appear off fishU.S., and self-important becoming comfortably numbat regular headlines detailing some lone a bit mish hug ha, mug ga, an automatic killer methodically unloading with a swishmultitudinous cartridges attempt to evening the score, a wishto take revenge viz a personal vendetta amidst the madding crowds – utter oye vay – tis Yiddish. such proliferation of high-powered assault bazookas Noah nightmare Aesoptale, but grievous reality, where unsuspecting mortal berserk arc with a blipbipedal hominid(s) grip with a the hand a dirk in case the clipdoth miss the mark, where siege mentality induces grim reaper to grip and a nationwide manhunt sprint ting infamy to dripmetamorphosing into a malignant state with curled lipmailer daemon hell bent on besieging bait (unaware nippee nap noopy snapchatting beings) bursting with deadly quipwith a barrage of bullets malicious intent to spray scattershot aimed from the hipkilling machines delivering rippaying deathly howls amidst pandemonium, thence funereal slipepitaphs etched on tombstones proliferate taking souls to Hades trip.   More often than not such brutal and nasty team(short lived) nefarious scheme directed at humble lettered people (like those comprising reammember ring my home town – once evoked with pastoral memeof Lake Woebegone) minding their p’s and q’s, when in the extremeout of the blue like a nightmare interrupting…

                                                          Everything In Between         Living like there’s no tomorrow isn’t the same as having a life worth living, like turning the other cheek isn’t a sign of weakness.!. Turning a new page isn’t the equivalent of having a clean slate, though forgiving is letting go of the past.!. It’s the optimistic who gathers the pieces of a shatered vase in hopes of piecing it back together, though its clear some pieces are only grains.!. One good turn deserves another but never you turn a blind eye, like two wrongs don’t make a right so never quit whiles you’re ahead.!. Accept humility with an open heart for guilt should never be an ally, as time ages in our minds and reflects on the flesh.!. Holding binding hands over our heads when we’re in despair and over our faces when we’re ashamed or broken.!. Chasing tomorrow because we’re scared and uncertain in each moment, now that freedom is a lust to us men of sins.!. It’s opinionated that the lost lives as bi-curiously young and wild as they may, whiles the wise makes it to be as firm as clay.!. Hearing words usually stirs my brain to paint pictures in my head but when I read I see only lines on an empty road.!. Only our desires give a straight answer when the questions are vague, as our feeling’s are the mutual match and gas that torches the lost road.!.

I’m afraid to say I love you. Not because if rejection, You all ready love me. You’ve said it before.   Once, but it was enough. I thre away the note, Only becuase I was afriad. Of you.   But no. I’m afraid to say I love you. In case I mean it. In case I fell.   That would be ridiculous. Slightly impossible. It’s not going to happen, Becuase I will not say I love you.   I’ve said it before, Love is unwanted. It’s heartbreak. I wasn’t going to love anyone.   I belive I’m unlovable, But you’ve said it. You said you love me. It was a lie, wasn’t it?   I was in pain, You came to my rescue, Trying to be the unwanted hero. But I still wanted you.   But never, Never! Will I say I love you. I won’t fall.   In falling, I would only hurt you. Break you. Becuase I won’t be able to love you back.   I won’t be loved! I’ve screamed it, I’ce cried it, I want it to be true!   I’m trying to send you a message. Please! Listien! Hear me! I’m trying to save you! I’ve tried this before, But you came back. You saved me!   So please, Please! Save me From falling.   I will not say I love you. I’m afraid that one day I will wake up, And It’ll be true.  

Around and Around     I believed in lies, I made myself dream in fantasies, All my hopes were ‘what ifs’ And I dare tell myself everyday That you love me, without knowing why..   I am brave, I am more than a conqueror, I’ve been all because of your honor, You seemed to be the perfect land to fall And there I was now, hangin’ on the wall Because your love was the ocean And no one can ever swim at all..   Do you know how it is when you try to stop breathing? That’s how I’ve felt the entire time trying not to love you, Not because you were already taken, But because I know that even if you were not taken, You wouldn’t even dare to love me at all.   Strange as this may be but I will never want you to love me, From afar, I now can see, What went wrong when you try to sting yourself to a bee. Sometimes they can just buzz out and survive But if you hurt ’em, they sting you and they die. It was the hardest for them to do, But they have to sting you, So you will never do again what you just did, Saving you from a lifetime mistake you could ever commit.   All lies I believed in, All days I had fallen in, All nights and morning that you were my thoughts, They will all be memories now that can be bought, By morning when the sun comes up, I will wake up with all you clouding my mind up, The words you’ve said upon saying goodbye, The largest hearfelt memory of how one dies, In a love circuit that you fondly invented, Comes another victim waiting for just another love and life to end.

Mathing     I still remember the first time I saw you again, Yes, again.. because I didn’t knew you back then. You rest your eyes at my gaze You were following my every move And you were stunned when I waved.   Can I guess? Was that love at first sight?   My hair was messy and all curled, My shirt was white but filled some dirt, My pants were all tight all it felt was hurt. But then, you smiled the whole time, You were so concerned the entire night, And we were tangled at the first ray of moonlight.   You wrote me a letter, did you remember? It was August and you were toast. There was honoring and I can’t believe I remember everything. The food, the talk, the venue and the bracelet ring. I wanted to tell you my story, How God changed me, But God sent you to change me even more, This time, it’s all for good and sure.   We ran along so good I thought we were together, You came in like a mirage and I could have a fever, But my heart was cold as stone so I said never, You were not an ordinary guy and got so clever, You installed something like a secret lover And then through and though prayed for forever.   Fate changed and so had our lives, Separated and crawled out once or twice, Getting in touch but never to close Because ‘I was not a practical choice’   But came in November, Forever and day for December And maybe one day again in September, We might have that chance again of forever.. But then again, maybe never.